361. Teacher: What's 34 + 25 books? Juan: 59 po. Teacher: Good. 18 + 29 + 30 books? Juan: 77 po. Teacher: Very good! Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books? Juan: Library ma'am! Library!!!
362. When the time comes I can't smile anymore, don't worry about me, I know what to do. I'll just stare at one corner and think of you. No one else could make me happy like the way you do.
363. No one in this world can dictate to you where you can be happy, if you know where and what it is, go for it. Just remember: Happiness is not a destiny, it's a choice.
364. Sexy: Those are all my sins father. I hope God will forgive me. Priest: He does, my child. Pero ikwento mo nga ulit yung tungkol sa blow job at 69! Dali!
365. Inday: Huhu! Ate, si Kuya po, hinalikan ako kahapon! Misis: (bwisit) Hmp! O, ngayon?! Inday: Ngayon po? Ay, hindi pa po. Wala pa ngayon.
366. Kapag inagaw ang taong mahal mo, huwag ka papaapekto. Stand straight, sabay sigaw ng 'Ang akin, akin lang, ang sa iyo, akin pa rin, ang hindi ako, mapapasaakin!'
367. Sa lahat ng numero, 7 ang pinaka-ayoko!!! - ABS-CBN.
368. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Know a good thing when you see it, and don't let it slip away. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.
369. Yung isang tao dyan, hindi man lang nagpaparamdam, di mo alam kung busy o baka galit sayo. Isip ka ng isip, nag-aalala ka na, pero parang wla lng sa kanya. Di pa yan makokonsensya. Kahit miscol lang po!!
370. Ano ba ang pagmamahal? Yun bang pinaiyak ka na, pinatawad mo pa? Yun bang binabalewala ka na, hinahanap mo pa? Yun bang nagmamahal na ng iba, minamahal mo pa? O yun bang kinalimutan ka na, umaasa ka pa?
371. Sometimes, we get too possesive with something or someone we don't even own. It's a side effect of loving too much and receiving too little. Sad but true, huh?!
372. What sexual position will produce a gorgeous baby? Ask my parents!
373. Life is like a road that we should pass thru till its very end. But if one day, you feel you're tired walking, I will comfort you in my arms sabay sabi, 'May jeep naman kasi, bakit nilakad mo?'
374. What if a bird fell in love with a fish? Where would they live? Who keeps the fins and who loses the wings? It's an irony but that's how cruel yet poetic love can be.
375. Hey! Nakita ko si GMA, matangkad naman pala siya! - Mahal.
376. A young boy was f*cking the dog when his mom entered the room. Both stared at each other and not a word was said. Then the boy said: Kaysa magdrugs ako?! :)
377. Each of us represents a star in the sky; sometimes, we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone, and sometimes we fall and make someone's dreams come true.
378. Hindi kita masisisi kung nakalimutan mo na ako, kasi, alam ko, hindi na ako mahalaga sa iyo. Nakakatawa no? Kasi hanggang ngayon, ito ako, umaasa na sana, mabawi kita dyan sa zoo, ikaw kasi eh, nangangagat ka. Huwag ganun!
379. Anak: Itay, tinatanong ako sa school! Ano daw ang profession nyo? Tatay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist. Anak: Anong cardiologist, tay? Tatay: Yung tagakabit ng radio sa car! Ahu! Ahu!
380. It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer it's in, the stronger it gets. We can have it in bed, just you and me. It's not what you think, it's a cup of tea!
381. A girl was on the way to the dorm. She's the only remaining passenger on the jeep. She had taken this route many times before, so she was surprised when the driver suddenly changed his course. Alarmed, she told the driver she's off to the dorm. After few minutes, they returned to the original route and the driver dropped her off the dorm, but before letting her, he gave her few words of advice. 'Ineng, pag uwi mo, hubarin mo agad yung damit mo at kung pwede, sunugin mo agad. Iniba ko yung ruta para makaiwas sa disgrasya. Kanina kasi, pagtingin ko sa salamin, wala kang ulo!' Happy Halloween!
382. Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by... - Guard sa LRT. Hahaha!
383. Pedro: May ka-eyeball ako mamaya, ano kaya ang itsura nya? Kasi, sabi nya, may kamukha syang celebrity, 'Sh' ang simula ng name. Juan: Jackpot ka, Pedro! Baka Sharon or Sheryl yan! Matapos ang eyeball, umuwi si Pedro. Juan: Kumusta ang eyeball mo? Bakit ka malungkot? Pedro: Shrek!
384. What is the secret of success? 'Right Decisions' How do you make right decisions? 'Experience' How do you get experience? 'Wrong Decisions' =)
385. Begin your day with a short prayer. 'Lord, walk with me today, I have no idea what lies before me. Be my strength to make the most of in and use it to Your glory.' Good morning!
386. Bawat kabataan, may karapatan. Karapatang gumala, umuwi anytime, makipagdate sa dyowa. Magalit man ang parents mo, sabihin mo, 'Sa bahay na ito, ako ang batas!' Sabay takbo!
387. Happy lunch time! Simpleng salita, simpleng bati, pero para sa akin, malalim dahil sa simpleng salitang yun, nasabi kong naalala kita bago ako kumain. =)
388. I was once asked by a curious 4 year old boy. A question that made my jaw drop and leave me puzzled till this time. The boy said, 'Ano po ang animal sound ng giraffe?'
389. Mommy centipede: Hoy makupad! Kanina pa kita inuutusang bumili ng suka, hindi ka pa rin nakakaalis?! Baby centipede: Haller, nay! Nagtsitsinelas pa kaya ako! Excited?!
390. Sa isang museum... Lalake: Ito bang pangit na ito ang tinatawag ninyong 'art?' Ang pangit! Nakakasuka! Painting ba ito? Guide: Hindi po sir. Salamin yan!
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