871. Man: How much is the fee for an annulment? Lawyer: P100000. Man: I only paid P1000 when I got married! Lawyer: Freedom, my friend, is always expensive!
872. As we unburden ourselves to God, He lifts the weight for us. For every ounce of trust we place in Him, He pays us a pound of His blessings. God loves us!
873. Here's a fact: When a person cries, and the first drop of tears comes from the right eye, it's happiness. But when it rolls first from the left, it's pain.
874. BF: Hon, pano kung malaman mo may ibang babae ako? GF: La lang, huhugutin ko lang throat mo tapos isasaksak ko sa baga mo then babalatan kita lalagyan ng asin ang flesh mo. Tapos iyong sword of glory mo puputulin ko at isasabit ko sa door, bakit? BF: Wala lang, curious lang, love you.
875. A man cornered by a lion prayed, 'Lord, make this lion a Christian.' The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed, 'Bless this food which I'm about to receive thru Christ our Lord. Amen.'
876. Thought of this season: My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
877. Lasing1: Pare, syota ko noon ang nanay mo. Lasing2: (Tahimik) Lasing1: Nakikinig ka ba pare? Sabi ko, syota ko noon nanay mo. Lasing2: Tama na, itay! Lasing na kayo eh! Shot na!
878. A sexy starlet was asked why she broke off with her politician boyfriend. She replied, 'I saw him in swimming trunk one day, he looked so different without his wallet.'
879. Ok lang lumubog ang lahat ng ship, wag na wag lang ang ating friendship! Hahaha! Matouch ka muna bago ka makornihan! Ok?! Good morning!
880. There will be days when you get home from a party and forget what the fun was about. Have a very long and intimate conversation , yet there are still words left unspoken. Embrace your special someone, yet, never have the strength to say you care so much. Life tells us that happiness is never absolute. Seize the moment! It may never come again. =)
881. Bunso: Itay, may multo daw sa kusina natin? Tatay: Anak, sino naman ang nagsabi sa iyo nyan? Bunso: Si Ate po! Tatay: Ay naku, huwag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala namang multo eh! Ang mabuti pa, samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina at iinom lang ako ng tubig!
882. I was told not to hurt the heart of whom I love so much. But when I was so busy taking care of that heart, I never noticed my own was slowly dying.
883. There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we let go.
884. Bata: Takot ako bunot ipin. Dentist: Huwag matakot. Bibigyan kita ng gamot, pampatapang. (Ininom ang gamot.) Dentist: O, matapang ka na? Bata: Tang ina, sino gagalaw ipin ko, babasagin ko bungo!
885. Sa prusisyon. Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod? Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!
886. Man went to confession. Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic. Father: That's a very good gesture, you need not confess. Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors. Father: That is still forgiven my son. Man: But I have another question. Father: What is it my son? Man: Shall I tell her the war is over? =)
887. May God put you on His lap tonight and take all the tiredness and pain brought by the busy day and may You sleep tight under His care. Good night! God bless.
888. Movies that must not be translated into Filipino II. The Postman Always Rings Twice - Ang Kartero Kapag Dumutdot Laging Dalawang Beses. Sum Of All Fears - Takot Mo, Takot Ko, Takot Nating Lahat. Swordfish - Talakitok. Pretty Woman - Ganda ng Lola Mo. Robin Hood, Men In Tights - Si Robin Hood at ang mga Felix Bakat. Four Weddings and A Funeral - Kahit Apat Na Beses Ka Pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay Ka Rin! The Good, The Bad And The Ugly - Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat!
889. IDD call from Saudi. Husband: Hon, kumusta ang tindahan? Wife: Department store na! Husband: Ang beer house? Wife: KTV Bar na! Husband: Yung tricycle? Wife: Taxi na! Husband: Eh ang 2 nating anak? Wife: Lima na!
890. Kapag nagmahal ka, dapat, ipaalam mo! Eh, ano kung hindi nya tanggapin. At least, nasabi mo. Mabigo ka man, andito lang ako. Mang-aasar sa iyo! Ikaw kasi, bakit mo kasi sinabi?! :)
891. Life is pretty simple. When you are asking for apples and life hands you lemons, make lemonade. If you're on your way out and it starts to rain, at least you won't have to water the plants anymore. It is a matter of seeing things in perspective. The benefits may not be immediate nor obvious, but you have to know this for sure: God will never give you anything you can't handle. Nothing you can't triumph over. There will be problems. There will be struggles. But if they're not there, how would you know how strong you are?
892. Never be afraid of giving your best; in work, in life and in love. For it always be the ultimate gauge of satisfaction even if you fail.
893. It is ok to kiss a fool and it is ok to let a fool kiss you but never let a kiss fool you.
894. A heartbreak isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling, and the most painful thing is, nobody hears it except you!
895. A man reads a book in bed next to his wife and his finger went to tickle his wife's pussy. Wife asks, 'You want sex?' 'No, just to wet my fingers to turn the page!'
896. I'm so masaya that I have a friend like you because you tanggap me as me. I always pasalamat to the lord that I met you and I hope you will not bago your ugali because I like you as ikaw! devah?
897. The word 'Good morning!' doesn't really mean 'Gising na!' But it's a fact one of the silly way of saying I've been thinking of you everytime I wake up. Good morning!
898. With the advent of the '-ber' months, signifying the coming of the joyous Christmas season, let me be the first to greet you... Regalo ko!!!
899. Erap to Taxi: To the airport hurry! 1st sign airport 50m, 2nd sign airport 10m, 3rd sign airport Left! Erap: You stupid, you're too slow, the airport already left!
900. Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. :) By Cher, Men Are From Mars.
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